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I wanted to do a spoken word track about the incorrect history of barbecue, but I'm neither a fiction writer nor a comedian, and every draft sounded so forced that I ended up scrapping that idea. But I still wanted to do some sort of food-related spoken word track, so off to Project Gutenberg I went - out-of-copyright books to the rescue!
For a long time, I couldn't decide what musical style I wanted to do this one in. Also, for a long time, I'd been looking for a reason/excuse to use all the really kitsch, lo-fi rhythm loops from my Mellotron VST. Eventually I put two & two together.
lyrics
Three things are required to give an enjoyable dinner party; good taste, good judgment and an intuitive sense of harmony.
Good taste suggests the proper thing in table dressing, in menu cards, in viands and beverages.
Good judgment dictates the fortunate time, the appropriate guests, the seasonable dishes and topics; and last, a sense of harmony is the quality that throws a glamour over all, combining pleasant parts in one symmetrical whole, making a picture "distinct like the billows, but one like the sea." This sense of harmony never yokes uncongenial persons at table, except through unavoidable necessity. It is on the alert to suggest congenial topics and deftly turn the conversation away from disputed or disagreeable ones.
It will often succeed in putting a garrulous and self-assertive man who likes to talk all the time, beside a mild and inoffensive woman who is content if she has naught to do but listen and--eat.
It will swell the heart of a silent man with gratitude by reversing this action and placing beside him a woman who chatters like a magpie.
It will often turn the stupid guest, who for various reasons will, in spite of all, occasionally appear at the best of tables, over to an intimate friend to whom a sacrifice for the sake of the host or hostess is a pleasure thus saving the formal guest and maintaining the reputation of the household for excellent management.
In fact this sense of harmony is the essence that permeates and vitalizes the entire proceedings and assures success to the hostess, because it guarantees pleasure to the guests.
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